HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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