I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
