Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish you could order shots online.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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