I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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