Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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