she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
