If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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