Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
