Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
