I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
