Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
