clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
