Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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