So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
