I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
