I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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