that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
