Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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