Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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