i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
