I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
