I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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