Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
