I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
