Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I smell like Dick and happiness
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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