Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mondays should just be called national damage control day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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