i permit you to call me
i already hear my dad disowning me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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