No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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