i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
