u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
