You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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