His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
