Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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