just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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