At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize