You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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