if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
