Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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