I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
