Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
