grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
