before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
