You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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