the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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