We won't sleep together?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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