I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize