the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
