Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
