i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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