in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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