I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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