Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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