Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
