Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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