I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
