my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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