dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
