We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
