Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
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I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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