Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
