ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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